The Ugly Truth of Me

Editor's Note: Might be graphic, about my depression. No sex here, so skip it if you're just looking to get off...

This is a really hard post for me to write. And I could just as easily not write it and skip over it like it doesn't exist. Except for the fact that it's consuming my thoughts lately and starting to take over too much of my life.

I "ran away" Thursday afternoon, though no where far as I just couldn't justify hotel expenses, even if it was for my sanity.

I hate the fall because I always get depressed in the fall. Some years aren't as bad, but this year is the hardest since high school. High school was the worst. And I really do hate feeling like I'm 15 again.

But it's the kind of depression where I wake up at noon, eat breakfast and go back to bed an hour or two later to sleep some more. Where dragging myself to class takes every ounce of energy I have. And then I have to find more just to be around my roommates. And the kind of depression where I cry for hours at a time about nothing and everything. The kind where after 2 years of not doing it, I've again taken a blade to my skin to try and release the tension in my body.

And it's really hard to be depressed when you live with 4 energetic girls.

So I left. I skipped class, my favorite one even, art history, and quickly packed my vodka, my Hawthorne, and art supplies and vibrator. (Hey I might as well masturbate when I have some alone time!)

I stopped at the art store and picked up some supplies I needed and headed to where I knew I could be alone.

First thing I did when I arrived, was nap. And it was a good nap. In a nice big comfy bed. Not like in my hard, bunk bed in the dorm.

And then I mastrubated. And not the quick, get it done before people come back like in my dorm.

I then stopped at the library to check my e-mail to make sure no one was looking for me and get some art books.

After I had my dinner, I sat down to create.

Except, I realized, hey, I have never studied drawing or painting and thus have absolutely no skill. And even though I checked out 100 books, I just couldn't teach myself.

And with my lower level of frustration, I promptly teared up. And I fell to the floor and cried. I sobbed. My body shook as the tears rolled down my cheeks onto the floor. After what felt like forever, I picked myself up, wiped my face and blew my nose and proceeded to paint. Abstract forms. A little bit easier.

But the sadness was still eating away at me. As I sat on the couch, listening to my iPod, I knew I needed to do it again. Cut. And I cried because no matter how much I did, it wasn't enough. It wasn't deep enough.

I didn't think there were more tears left in me, but there were. And as I cried for another hour, I prayed to God for help. Asking Him to make it stop hurting. I went to get tissues from the bathroom but found myself rummaging through the medicine cabinet. I pulled every pill bottle off the shelf and examined them, what they were, how many pills were in the bottles. I calculated in my head if it'd be enough. Because I knew from past experience it takes a good amount.

And I freaked. I fell to the floor, against the bathtub, and cried even harder. I wished I wasn't alone because I was so scared. I wanted Jefferson or Mitzi or just anyone at that moment. I grabbed my phone, and texted Mitzi, but it was late and I didn't get a response. She was already in bed, I knew that. But I had reached bottom and didn't know who else to turn to.

I eventually calmed myself down, and laid in bed, careful to not lay on my fresh wounds. And I contemplated running away. Really running away. What it would take to make a new life. Change my name, my past, my future. But I know I still be haunted by everything I left behind. No matter how far I ran. And of course we can't know for sure what happens to us on the other side.

So I came back early. Besides being bored with no TV or computer, I couldn't stand to be alone with my thoughts for another night.

So, this is me. This is a very real part of me. Not so pretty, is it...

I'm Back Early!

From the totally awesome movie, Dogma:

Bartleby: Hello, we'd like two tickets to New Jersey, please.
Bus Station Attendant: Jersey's sold out, sir.
Loki: What?
Bus Station Attendant: There's one at the same time tomorrow. I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State, and show up two hours in advance.

Have a Good Weekend....

Floor

Yeah, I just slept on the floor for like 2 hours, lol.

Oh so sleepy...

So, I'm finally about ready to pass the fuck out, except one of my roommates' fuck buddy is coming over in like 5 minutes...

Damn.

I'll probably just pass out on the floor like I did Saturday. Lol.

I really do love funny things...

Charging Extra for Stupidity Could Turn the Country's Finances Around in a Year or Two

Intercom: Welcome to Popeye's. Can I take your order?
Woman: Yes, I'd like a Number 2 with a Sprite, please.
Intercom: That will be $8.43... mild or spicy?
Woman: Yes.
Intercom: Mild or spicy?
Woman: Yes, please.
Intercom: [laughter]
Woman: What? What?
Intercom: That will be $41.23.

Popeye's
Waldorf, Maryland

via Overheard in the Office, Sep 26, 2006

Ask me...

Ask me what time I went to bed last night.

What time did you go to bed last night, Avah?

Around 1:30. Now, ask me what time I woke up this morning.

What time did you wake up this morning, Avah?

6:00. Now ask me why.

Why so early, Avah?

I have no idea.

I'm so tired and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't fall asleep and my tummy hurts!! :-(

Beach Bums

I returned from Tennessee my stomach full from barbeque sandwiches, fried chicken, hush puppies, and ribs. And my head swelled from stories of my mom from long ago from her friends and aunt. And all in all, I'd say the South treated me pretty well.

Now that I was back home, my mind focused on the next week when Jefferson and Mitzi would be coming to visit me. I grocery shopped and prepared my legendary spaghetti sauce, scrubbed the place down, and made the bed with fresh, clean sheets.

Time passed slowly as I waited their arrival Monday night.

Jefferson and I spent Sunday night into early Monday morning chatting with a cute little 18 year old bi-curious boy from the Philly area. He was an anal virgin but was very interested in having a girl use a strap-on on him.

In came me.

We planned on a time for Tuesday for him to come, provided his car was fixed on time.

I did last minute cleaning on Monday up until Mitzi informed me she and Jefferson would be coming on the 10:40 train.

I left the house a few minutes early to fill my gas tank before heading to the train station to get my two best friends. I got to the station a bit before the train, and waited excitedly for its arrival.

When it finally pulled up to the platform, I peered through the people, searching for them. I finally saw them and waved, running to greet them.

Mitzi and I embraced first, hugging tightly and happily after not seeing each other all summer. I petted Mitzi’s doggy hello before turning to greet Jefferson. The passersby glanced at us as the moved around. Mitzi handed me a bouquet of flowers as I guided them to my car.

I popped the trunk and Jefferson and Mitzi placed their bags inside.

“You’re in charge of making sure the flowers don’t get crushed,” I said to Jefferson, playing the bouquet on the back seat next to him.

Jefferson sat quietly in the back as Mitzi and I chatted away.

As we passed through Sayreville, I pressed play on my iPod and blasted my Bon Jovi. I saw in the rear view mirror Jefferson shake his head.

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name….”

“Oh I hoped you’d play that first!” Mitzi said happily.

Bon Jovi continued to play as we made our way down the Parkway.

A few minutes from my house, Mitzi asked, “So, where’s the beach?”
“Just a few minutes away, in that direction,” I said pointing to the left. “Do you want to go see it?” I suggested.
“Can we?!” Mitzi asked.
“Sure. Sound good to you Jefferson?”
“Sounds fun.”

I hung a left at the light and drove down to my beach pulling into my empty parking lot. Of course it was empty though, it was just about 1 AM!

We made our way on to the dark beach and Mitzi’s dog, Molly, got her first taste of sand and ocean. The sand was Ok, but the ocean was a little to scary for such a tiny doggy.

We breathed the salt air deep in our lungs and discussed the mystery of the black sea at night and it’s creepy, foreboding qualities. Mitzi and I walked in the sand barefooted and felt the cool sand between our toes and let the water fun over our feet.

Once we had our fill for the night, we made our way back to the car, only to see a police car by mine! Uh oh!

“Quick, hide Molly!” I told Mitzi.

She stayed behind a second to tuck Molly away in her carrying bag as Jefferson and I went to see what was up.

“What are you doing?” the cop asked, shining his flashlight at us.
“We’re doing OK,” Jefferson answered.
“No, what are you doing?”
“We were just looking at the ocean,” I offered.
“The beach is closed at night,” he replied, curtly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. We were just leaving,” I told him.
“Ok then, drive carefully.”

Mitzi returned from the beach as the cop got back in his car. The three of us loaded up and headed home to get all settled.

“Ok, let me give you the tour,” I said as we stepped inside the house. “This is the living room, kitchen there, then a den back there where I’ve shoved everything, then my parent’s room there, the bathroom, and this is my room. You guys can put your stuff in here. And let me show you the kitchen so you can help yourselves if you get hungry or thirsty. Oh, and I only have 2 house rules: don’t let the cat outside and wipe the bottoms of your feet before getting in bed. I hate sand in my bed. Drives me nuts!”

They laughed at me, but promised to oblige.

“How about we crack open that bottle of bourbon?” Jefferson suggested.
“Certainly!”

I fixed myself an iced tea as Jefferson fixed bourbon for him and Mitzi and the three of us chatted for a few hours together in the living room. By 4 AM, and after almost and entire bottle of bourbon, we thought maybe it was time to head to bed.

But not for sleep.

“How comfortable is my bed?” I said proudly as we lay naked on it.
“It’s very comfortable,” Jefferson and Mitzi agreed.
“With all this down, it’s like sleeping on a cloud!”
“Mmmhmm…so Mitzi, you haven’t seen Avah’s new piercing, have you?”
“I’ve seen a picture, but that’s all.”
“Look, it’s so pretty!” I said, opening up to show her.
“It sure is,” she said moving down to get a better look.

And taste.

She moved in between my legs and took my clit in her mouth, making me moan. She licked and sucked furiously, with such enthusiasm. I groaned loudly and squirmed under her as I got closer to cumming.

“Oh she’s so into eating your pussy,” Jefferson slurred. “She just gets so turned on by you.”

I smiled at him. He’s so cute when he’s drunk. Always says the sweetest things.

My body tensed and I cried out as I came.

I caught my breath and leaned forward to kiss Mitzi. We broke apart and saw Jefferson held in his hand a newly acquired toy: a wiggly, purple, double ended dildo. 12 inches of fuckable goodness.

“Oooh…Awesome!” I squealed, examining it.

Mitzi sat facing me as Jefferson covered and lubed the toy. He inserted one end into Mitzi and she and I scooted closer together to get the other end in me.

We struggled a bit at first, trying to figure out how exactly we were to fuck ourselves on it, but we eventually got the hang of it, with a little help from Jefferson’s hand.

Mitzi and I gyrated (I hate that word, but it seems so appropriate) moaning and grunting loudly. Jefferson’s hand fondled us every so often as he watched and helped hold our dildo.

I grunted loudly every time my end of the dildo fucked me, hitting my g-spot dead on. I came quickly, screaming out, but still continued to fuck myself on the toy.

“Quick, I need a vibrator on my clit,” Mitzi moaned.

I reached in the drawer beside my bed where I keep all my sex accruements, and dug blindly until I found one of my vibrators.

I switched it on and placed it on her clit, holding it in place as she moaned from the vibrations.

But it still wasn’t doing it for her.

I, on the other hand, continued to cum. For about 2 minutes straight in fact. But it is pretty easy to make me cum these days.

Since I had had my fill, and the dildo wasn’t doing it for Mitzi, we abandoned it and I gave over my thigh for her to “high school.” She climbed on top of me, rubbing her pussy against my thigh and moaning softly. She gave it the old college try, but still nothing.

“I need to cum tonight!” Mitzi moaned.
“Well, what else can we try? Head doesn’t work for you, um…I have an Hitachi?”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”

But she skipped over that idea.

Since it was just about 6AM, we gave up on the idea and tried for sleep instead.

Jefferson fell asleep promptly, snoring right from the beginning. Mitzi and I laid on either side of him, whispering back and forth to each other.

“Are you tired?” I asked her.
“Not really, are you?”
“Not so much. Hey you know what’d be cool?”
“What?”
“If we went to the beach to see the sunrise!”
“That would be awesome!”
“You wanna?” I asked.
“Totally!”
“Alright, cool! Let’s go!”

Uh oh.

I did a bad, bad thing.

No good, nuh uh.

And it wasn't even enough. I still want more.

*Sigh*

Still Bored

Yep, still bored. My homework I suppose is what's doing it. My choices are reading about Japan or reading Scarlet Letter. Yawn.

But I am less horny. Much less.

Is it because I had sex? Absolutely not.

I definately have not had sex.

I'm sitting here, not having sex.

Yeah, a little annoyed at the fact I'm not having sex right now.

Dude

I'm so fucking bored!

Can I tell you how much I wish I was having sex right now?

While tied up.

Maybe with some nipple clamps.

Blindfolds are cool too.

And then after being made to cum a 1,000 times in a row, be turned over and have my ass beat bright red.

Not only am I bored, I'm horny!

I Just Want to Be a Good Mom

"I just want to be a good mom," my Mom just said to me on the phone.
"You are mom, you know that."
"I want to be like my Mom and teach you everything I can," she said, crying.
"Oh stop, you're making me cry again!"

My Mom just called me this morning and told me my Aunt Sue died. She died like Wednesday night or Thursday morning, but because of miscommunication, I hadn't known that. My mom flew out to Washington, where they live, but got there after she died.

"I wished I could have gotten there to say goodbye. I just hope she knew how much I loved her."

Uncle Tom is my mom's brother and had been with Aunt Sue since they were like 18. My Uncle Tom is a bit older than my mom, so when my mom was young, she said Aunt Sue was like a big sister to her.

I didn't know Aunt Sue too well because she did live in Washington, but I have really wonderful memories from when I would see her.

One year, when I was about 6 or so maybe, she gave me this stuffed bunny she had made for me. Aunt Sue was very crafty and very talented like that. She was really very sweet. And since my mom's a teacher, whenever we'd go out there, it would sometimes be during Spring Break and so a lot of times we were there for Easter and I remember dying eggs with all my cousins and decorating them with crayons and then having the traditional family chicken fights.

And then sometimes Uncle Tom and Aunt Sue would come back East and we'd see them here. A lot of times I remember visiting them at Aunt Sue's mother's house on this big farm.

I can't even remember the last time I saw Aunt Sue. I know the last time I was out there was in 8th grade for one of my cousin's weddings. So that was 6 years ago. I don't believe I've seen her since.

But she was such a sweet woman.

She'd always let me eat the strawberries from her garden.

And she was a great mom. She had six kids, and my mom was saying how Aunt Sue really loved them individually.

It's just really so sad. She was only 65. It was from lung cancer. And we only found out this summer that she even had cancer. But it is really sad.

And now I have to get ready to go home to celebrate my step-dad's birthday.

Mmm...Chocolate

I know it's a little early in the season, for me it is at least, but I picked up some hot chocolate at the store last night, and I had a cup last night before bed and now that I just woke up, and it's just so delicious.

There's something about hot chocolate that makes you feel all warm and cozy inside.

Ok, I'm A Little Excited

So, I went to Barnes and Nobles tonight and was browsing through the Gay and Lesbian studies section, you know, just for fun, when I saw this book, Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out.

How cool is that?!

I can't wait to start reading it. I kind of wish I didn't have so much reading for school to do as well.

But the back reads:
"Rejected by both gay and straight worlds, bisexuals have been a community in exile. With this rich and varied collection, however, bisexual women and men step forward into their own historical spotlight. The writing here, challenging and authentic, can only deepen our discussions about passion and politics."

"The authors debunk the concept that people are either heterosexual or homosexual and that bisexual women and men are fence sitters. Bi Any Other Name will help tremendously in securing movement for genuine progressive social change- a movement that will ultimately liberate us all."

Totally awesome, I know.

Art, now book, yeah, I'm a little bit of a dork.

OMG, He Makes Me Wanna Cream Myself!!

He's just so fucking sexy!

Ooh, What about this one?

Ahh...the intricate powers of MySpace!

The Need for Anti-Meme Drugs Becomes Ever More Pressing

Ghetto girl: Man, I can't believe he did this! I mean, we was in this relationship for like two weeks, and now he be tryin' to dump me! He was all, "Yeah, we're over." I was like, "What you talkin' about?" Then he was all, "I'm taking you off my Top 8."
Passerby: He took you off his Top 8? Oh, hell, no.

--Baryshnikov Arts Center

Overheard by: random dancer

via Overheard in New York, Sep 23, 2006

Help Me Choose!!

Ok, so I disovered Rothko today, and I want to buy a poster, but I can't decide which one to get, because I like a lot of them. So, reader's choice! (But, I have total veto power, lol.)

Option 1:












Option 2:












Option 3:












Option 4:













Option 5:

So much Fun!!

So, I went to the Met today with a bunch of my roommates and friends, and I went online to find some more posters when I stumbld across this really awesome website where you can make your own paintings, it's awesome!!!

Go Here!!

And see what I made so far!!

This one is, appropriately, "Flag"



And this one, "Retro"



And finally, "See through"

Go try it out, really it's fun! And if you want, send me your paintings so I can see: avahsascent@gmail.com

And By the Way

Tito's is very, very good.

I Hate the Fall

For so many reason, I've always hated the fall.

It never goes well.

I always invarribly end up feeling like crap about something or other.

So, I hate the fall.

I just want spring to come back.

----
But that's right. It is the new year. L'shanna tova to everyone.

But yeah, new year, new start. Something like that, right?

For Real?

I've gotten nearly 1,000 visits in the past 3 days and I've only gotten 4 comments in that time???

I dunno, I have to think, why bother?

Satiated

Jefferson and I woke the next morning, not too early, but not too late. I rolled to face him and snuggle into him as we said good morning.

We began kissing and I felt Jefferson’s cock grow against me. He quickly reached over me and grabbed for a condom and began fucking me.

My arms wrapped around his shoulders, hugging him close to me. We kissed sweetly as we made love that morning. Soon my body shook and I moaned loudly as Jefferson made me cum. He followed with his own shortly after.

We rested for a bit before getting up to make breakfast. Jefferson had gotten both July and August’s bacons the night before, and we decided to try August’s flavor first- honey salt.

Well it was just so yummy.

We hung out together for the next few hours on our computers, writing e-mails, reading (and writing) blogs, and listening to music.

“When do you have to leave?” he asked me.
“Whenever,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I just have to pack, but it’s only for 5 days, so it won’t take me long.”
“You want to go fool around a bit?”
“Always!”

Already naked, we climbed into bed together and laid quiet for a little bit. I began kissing Jefferson and he quickly made his way to between my legs and began eating me out.

His tongue poked under my hood and made direct contact with my clit, making me moan instantly. I came hard, quickly, but Jefferson wasn’t finished. He kept at it, doing this vibrating, swizzly thing with his tongue and made me cum at least 5 more times. I stopped counting after 5.

But it was hard to separate them as they just rolled into one another. I screamed out as I came and whimpered when the waves refused to relinquish control of my body. By the time Jefferson finished, I had lost count of how many times I cam. But it didn’t matter, because it had felt like one giant 15 minute orgasm.

Holy fuck, that’s right.

“I’m spent,” I said as Jefferson took me back in his arms.
“So is that what it takes?” he joked.
“Well, I came like more than 5 times in a row, so yeah!”

After some recovery, I dressed and got my stuff together and headed home.

It was a late night as I packed, cleaned, and chatted with Mitzi online, only to wake up 3 hours later at 4 to catch my train to the airport.

I had a feeling I’m going to need a vacation after this vacation.

Date Night

It was another gorgeous, sunny, August day. Probably the 10th in a row, at least. I stood at the top of the beach with my chair and beach bag in hand, scanning for a spot, preferably close to the water.

I found an opening large enough for my one self and weaved through the families to stake my spot.

I opened my chair and draped my towel over it. I exchanged my glasses for my sunglasses and slathered on my sunscreen before laying back and relaxing.

The woman next to me had her radio on and I smiled when it played a bunch of Janis Joplin and Bon Jovi.

That reminded me, I needed to download some Bon Jovi before Jefferson and Mitzi came down.

As I watched the waves, I pulled out my little lunch box cooler and took my chipwich sandwich I’d packed in ice and ate it quickly before it could melt in my hand. But once I finished, I decided I was thirsty. I grabbed my money and headed all the way to the snack stand, but half way across the sand, my feet were burning and I wished I had worn my sandals.

I raced across the rest of the beach and hopped from foot to foot on the hot wood walk way as I was stuck behind slow people.

As soon as I got to the shower area, I stood in a puddle and let out a big sigh of relief.

With my root beer in hand from the concession stand, I quickly made my way back to my seat.

I checked my clock, and I still had over an hour before I wanted to leave to get ready for Jefferson’s.

I avoided the water that day as it looked a little nasty (actually uncommon for my beach).

Instead, I just turned on my iPod and did some writing for the blog until it was time to pack up.

Showered, dressed, and packed up for the night, I headed to the train station and rode into the city.

When I get there, Jefferson and I retired to the bedroom almost immediately. We undressed and climbed into bed together.

Jefferson took me in his arms and kissed me deep, holding my face in his hands. I pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips, leaning down to kiss him. My hands ran over his chest and arms as I ground my pelvis against his. My breathing labored as I got more and more turned on.

For some reason, the foreplay was especially hot that night.

“I want to fuck you now,” Jefferson told me.

I climbed off of him as he grabbed for a condom and laid on top of me. He kneeled in front of me and pushed inside me, making me moan. Once inside, he leaned down close to me as he pumped in and out. I groaned each time he thrusted into me and rubbed against my g-spot.

The tension built in my body as Jefferson continued to fuck me. Soon my orgasm took over and my nails dug into his arms as I cried out.

He kept fucking me, and soon I’m cumming again, even harder.

He relented, pulling out, and we cuddle together, deciding on dinner.

“So, I have some pasta I could make, or turkey burgers…umm…I don’t have too much though,” Jefferson said, listing some things.
“What about pizza?” I suggested.
“You know, I was thinking that myself. We can go get some slices.”
“Cool!”

We dressed and walked awhile, trading car accident stores and others until we got to a pizzeria. We ordered our slices and picked out our drinks and sat at a table outside to people watch as we ate. After eating and talking for a nice long while, we make our way back home to finally finish Blue Velvet.

Once back at the apartment building, Jefferson paused to check his mail and was pleased to find some bacon from his Bacon of the Month club.

Sweet, breakfast.

We undressed and climbed into bed and settled into the rest of the movie.

“We already saw this part,” I pointed out.
“Oh, we did? Well, this is a good part, so let’s watch it again.”

I shrugged my shoulders and settled into the crook of Jefferson’s arm.

“Is it almost over?” I asked, getting a little ancy.
“Yes, just a few more minutes.”
“Good, cause I wanna fuck some more,” I grinned.

As soon as the movie ended, I leaned in to kiss Jefferson. I climbed on top of him again and laced my fingers in his above his head.

I kissed his lips, cheeks, and neck, gently sucking and nibbling until he was reaching for a condom. He got on top of me and pulled me to the side of the bed. He slid into me, my legs thrown over his shoulders, and I moan as he pumped in and out of me.

He looked down at me and I smiled at him. My ankle rubbed by his cheek and he turned to kiss it. He took my big toe in his mouth, gently swirling his tongue around it. I closed my eyes again and sighed a contented sigh.

He leaned over me and took me close in his arms. I felt my cheeks flush as his pelvis rocked against my clit, bringing me closer to orgasm. As the waves took over my body, I heard Jefferson moan in my ear as my pussy clenched around his cock.

As I caught my breath, he slowly withdrew from me and tossed his condom. We got under the covers, Jefferson turned out the lights, and we fell asleep with me tight in his arms.

A Big Huge Thank You!!

This message is for Don't Wake the Kids, of Don't Wake the Kids blog.

After I put up a request to replenish my supply of vodka, DWTK graciously offered to send me a bottle of some Tito's from her home state of Texas. Along with it she so generously included a bottle of triple sec for me to enjoy some Cosmos!

Along with it, I'm posting her Cosmo recipe she sent to me:

2 parts vodka
1 part cranberry juice
1 part Triple sec
Shake with ice, pour into chilled martini glass (if possible). Add twist of lime. Enjoy!

I haven't gotten a chance to taste it yet as I just got it today, but I'll let you all know what I think! (Jefferson's already a fan, lol.)

Again, a million thanks to Don't Wake the Kids!!

FIRE!!

So I went to the market last night and decided to treat myself to a nice piece of steak for tonight.

After class tonight, I came home and turned on the broiler and prepared my steak. I had no spices so I just rubbed it with olive oil. Perhaps my big mistake.

I popped some premade mashed potatoes in the microwave and started cleaning a dish in the sink. As I was washing, I heard cracking coming from the stove and saw flames coming through the burners!!

I dropped my dish and dried my hands and quickly turned off the stove. I opened the door to check it and flames shot up. I freaked and ran for the fire extinguisher, screaming to my roommates the kitchen was on fire.

I struggled with the pin and hose and freaked, but eventually got it.

I gave a quick squirt in the sink, since I had never used one before, and got one of my roommates to open the oven door as I blasted it.

The apartment was filled with smoke and fire extinguisher exhaust and the 4 of us worked hard to fan it out the window with pillows.

I choked and coughed from the smoke and stuck my head out the window to get fresh air.

One roommate called the RA who then called the cops, and the 4 of us made our way outside to get away from the smoke.

Police cars came blaring down the street and into the apartment complex and policemen ran upstairs with fire extinguishers.

Soon followed THREE fire trucks barreling down the road with their sirens and went inside to investigate.

We gave our names and information to the police and fire department and told the story to all the important people that asked.

I learned that the fire probably would have gone out on it's own once I turned the broiler out, but I did a good job even so. Yay.

I was sooooo mortified though. I kept apologizing to my roommates and I almost cried when everyone from all the other apartments came out to watch us!

And it was really scary too!! I'd never put out a fire before and I was shaking!!

Oh it was so awful!

And of course my steak got ruined. :-( And meat's expensive!! That was such a treat!

*Sigh*

I'm still hungry too.

I fucking hate his guts

I hate my dad. I hate him so much. He's such a fucking asshole.

I'm going to study abroad in France next semester and he "doesn't endorse it." Meaning he's not paying a fucking dime.

I hate him. I just called him and left him a nasty message saying how mad I was.

I hate that whole fucking side of the family.

As far as I'm concerned, if I never spoke to them or saw them again, it would be too fucking soon.

I Said More, Damn It.

“You have to do your blog round-up,” I reminded Jefferson the next morning after we had woken up and had our morning fucking.
“You’re right, I should get on that.”

We rolled out of bed and Jefferson set me up on his laptop as he settled in at his desk.

The next several hours were spent with us in front of the computers (though breaking for breakfast at my insistence) as Jefferson’s round up wasn’t going as quickly.

I tried my best to not bother him too much.

Meg came at some point in the afternoon after spending the night at a friend’s in Brooklyn. Apparently it was pretty disgusting, so she headed straight into the shower without saying a word.

When she was grime free, she joined me on the couch and we chatted and got to know each other better over the next few hours as Jefferson continued to work on his round up and also do some laundry.

Some people were coming over that night to see Meg since she’s in town so infrequently, including Emma, Jake, and a girl from Canada that Jake knew.

Emma was first, coming from work and soon Jefferson was cooking up some pasta for the 4 of us. Then the 5 of us when Jake arrived.

This was my first time meeting Jake, and I really hadn’t remembered him really from Jefferson’s blog. But damn, he was cute. And funny. Good combination.

Soon Kiesa arrived straight from Canada.

Can you imagine driving 12 hours for one night of sex!?

Dinner cleared and so did the people.

“Where did everyone go?” I said as Meg and I sat on the couch. “Are we missing sex?”
“I think so.”

We walked into Jefferson’s bedroom to find him and Emma already naked and fucking.

“We were just sitting out there wondering where everyone went and not realizing we were missing sex!” I said as Meg and I took seats to watch.

They decided on a break pretty quickly though after we had entered.

“No need to stop on our account!” I insisted.
“Eh, we need a little break,” Jefferson said.
“Hey, why are they dressed?” Emma questioned.

Emma went over to Meg and stripped her before bringing her to the bed. Jefferson came to me and lifted my shirt over my head.

“That’s better,” he said.

He laid on the bed and watched as Emma slipped into her strap-on. Once all secured, she pulled Meg to the end of the bed and slid into her.

I moved to the bed and climbed on Jefferson and kissed him as I listened to the sounds of Meg’s groans.

“I’m going to fuck you now,” Jefferson informed me as we struggled to change positions. With him finally on top, he grabbed a condom and started fucking me.

My eyes traveled back and forth between him and Meg and Emma.
Jefferson fucked me hard, my legs up over his shoulders, his hands grabbing at my breasts. My body shook and I groaned loudly as I came.

Jefferson slowed down his pace as I caught my breath and Jake and Kiesa came in.

"I think you should fuck Kiesa now," Jefferson suggested.
"Sure!" I said getting up to put in my strap-on.

Jefferson striped Kiesa of her shirt and panties and laid her on the bed. I rolled on a condom and had her scoot to the end of the bed.

"If I were a boy, I could do that myself," I laughed.

I was about to fuck her when she stopped me a moment.

"Wait, can I just get everyone's names first?"

Whoops!

"That's Meg, and I'm Emma," she said, still fucking Meg.
"I'm Avah."
"I'm Jefferson. I live here."
"Nice to meet you all. Ok, you can go ahead now."

I pushed Kiesa's legs back and pushed into her.

As I fucked her, I heard Emma next to me shudder and moan as she came.

"Emma, it's so hot watching you cum from fucking Meg," Jefferson commented.

She smiled and returned to fucking Meg after she recovered.

Jefferson leaned into Kiesa and sucked on her breasts.

Jake climbed on the bed and fed Meg his cock and Jefferson followed suit.

"And you thought we needed to invite another guy," I said, teasing Jake about a comment he had made earlier.

I watched Emma more closely as she came again, her hips jerking into Meg, her head thrown back and groaning softly.

"Shit, it really is hot when you cum."
"Thanks, it's pretty hot for me too," she laughed.
"Look out, I want to fuck her now," Jefferson said to me.
"Um, sure." I agree pulling out.

Jefferson grabbed her and pulled her to the corner. I pulled off my strap-on and joined Jake on the bed after he motioned for me to join him.

I leaned over him as we kissed and I soon made my way down to his cock. And have I mentioned very, very large cock?

He moaned praises as I worked my mouth up and down his cock.

After spending a little while concentrating on his cock, Jake grabbed a condom and switched me to being underneath me. I groaned as he entered me, stretching me. I drew in my knees as he fucked me hard making me grunt with each thrust. It didn't take long before he made me cum.

He withdrew as I caught my breath and sat in a chair to watch.

Soon both Jefferson and Emma withdrew from their partners to take a break.

Jake and Kiesa went off to get some carbs while Jefferson and I sat together and watched Emma deliver a beating to Meg.

I curled up in a chair with Jefferson and sat mesmerized as Emma beat on Meg’s ass. After a while, I whispered to Jefferson, “We have such different styles when giving beatings.”
“Very true,” he replied.
“Emma puts her whole body into it!”
“Are you talking about me?” she asked.
“I was just commenting on the difference in our styles in giving beatings.”
“Wait, you beat people up? You really switch?” Meg interjected.
“Yeah, sure do.”
“Would you do some?”
“Well, if it’s ok with Emma.”
“Yeah, I’ve been doing this for awhile, I’m pretty tired.”

Meg’s ass was very tender from Emma’s flogging and caning so I concentrated mainly on her back and thighs. She groaned loudly as the leather strips made contact with her skin.

I covered her back and it turned bright red in response.

I struck the backs of her thighs and calves. She picked her feet up after a blow and I instinctively brought my flogger down on the bottoms of them, surprising myself!

Meg moved to her side once she had had enough and settles in at the top as I kneel at the bottom ready for my beating from Jefferson.

I knelt on my hands and knees waiting for Jefferson to start. He came over and grabbed my hair, pushing my face into the mattress. His hand runs over my back and ass, dipping two fingers into my pussy. He pumped them hard, hitting my g-spot until I came hard.

He stepped away a moment and I heard him digging in the toy box. He got out the vibrating eggs and put one in my ass and one in my pussy and following with someone else in my pussy, but I never saw what. I moaned from the vibrations deep inside me and being so full.

With everything in place, Jefferson starts spanking me, and it hurts right from the beginning.

And not in the good hurt kind of way.

And I think perhaps I can’t really switch from being domme to sub in the same night.

But I didn’t want to wuss out so quickly and figured I’d soon find subspace.

After a quick warm up with his hand, Jefferson moved straight to the slapper and I jerked underneath it’s blows as the pain rips through me. I tried to absorb it and slip away, but it wasn’t happening for me.

He grabbed some clothes pins and tried to place them on my back, but couldn’t get any skin so he placed one on my ear.

Then he pinched the skin over my shoulder blades and slapped my back with his hand and the slapper, hard, knocking the breath out of me.

I tried focusing on the pain, exhaling on contact, but still no sight of subspace.

My body, actually feeling the pain, starts shaking and dry sobs crept up into my throat.

I for some reason started remembering how hurt and angry I had been with Jefferson a few days before and quieted my moans in response.

All of the sudden Jefferson took my dildo and pushed it into my ass.

“This is what you fed that boy last night,” he said as he resumed the beating.

I groaned at the insertion of it, feeling so full. It fell out quickly as my ass clenched from the hard strokes from the slapper and cane.

He stopped abruptly, but I didn’t want him to finish yet.

I was still furious.

Jefferson turned me over and took me in his arms. I was still shaking and crying tearless cries.

I opened my eyes to look around, but quickly shut them, being sensitive to the light. He kissed me softly, but I didn’t respond.

“I want more.”
“More?”
“More.”

I saw him look at me and think about it for a second. He went and grabbed a condom instead, and I sighed inwardly. He pushed into my lifeless form and I saw Meg and Emma leave.

I couldn’t even imagine what they were thinking was happening.

I kept my head turned to the side as he gently fucked me. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him kissing me. Or fucking me. I wanted him to keep beating me.

He turned my face up and kissed my lips, but I didn’t kiss back.

"Are you Ok?" he asked me.
I nodded my head, lying. "I want more."
"More what?"
"Beating."
"You can't take any more."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't."
"How would you know?" I said defiantly.
"Alright."

He withdrew from me and I turned back around and waited. I took most of it silently.

Except for when he hit a sensitve spot with the flogger. I jumped and cursed.

“Agh! Fuck you!” I spewed.

He switched from the flogger back to the cane and I was still and quiet as he struck it down on my quite torn up ass.

“Why aren’t you making more noise?” he asked me.

I let Jefferson keep going until I reached my threshold and gotten past my anger. I laid on my stomach, signaling “Uncle.”

He came on the bed next to me and I snuggled into his chest, needing to feel his touch again.

I hobbled around for the rest of the night before finally getting to bed around 3.

Sleep wasn’t easy as I could not put any sort of pressure on my ass and I woke early around 6, not being able to get back to sleep.

I busied myself while Meg and Jefferson slept with writing a blog entry, talking with Emma, showering, getting some groceries for breakfast and straightening up around the place.

After breakfast/lunch with Meg and Jefferson, I made my way home and settled in on the couch, absolutely exhausted, only to be drawn into a 2 day long fight with my best-friend.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Luckily, everything eventually got resolved, but not before draining the last of my energy reserves.

I built my energy back up before seeing Jefferson the next week again sunning myself at the beach and getting my fill before heading off to Tennessee.

Ooh Yum.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's a subtle sexiness to Ed Norton.

My roommates and I just saw the Illusionist this weekend (Excellent movie, by the way!!) and we were all just going ga-ga for him during the movie.


Yeah, I'd do him.

With Kevin Spacey... ;-)

You Know What's Intimate?

Orgasms.

Think about it...you're completely letting loose, moaning, groaning, or screaming, maybe thrashing around, you're face is probably all contorted. You're body is just lost in the throws of pleasure. That's a really intimate thing to let someone see.

I'm someone that doesn't hold back. I'm loud and proud of it, lol. But, I must admit, there are a few moments just after that I feel a little embarassment and don't really know what to do with myself for the first few moments I after I cum. It's weird, but it's because it's so revealing and I'm a little self-concious about how I just appeared.

But seriously, I think orgasms really must be the most intimate exchange between people.

Thursday Evenings

So, I live and a triple in a two bedroom apartment at my school.

Alone time is very, very sparce.

But I just noticed my 2 roommates both have class until 8 on Thursdays.

I have not masturbated since I've been at school. Luckily I've had sex, otherwise I'd go bonkers.

But after just noticing my little bit of alone time, I know how I'm going to fill some of it....

I'm Totally Blogging This!

"Hey look! We were just talking about that show!" I said pointing to a messenger bag sitting in a trash can that was obviously a TV studio gift.
"You know, I often see ladies walking around carrying tosters or something from the tapings," Jefferson told me.
"Why would they just throw it out?"
"I don't know. It looks nice though. You need a bag?"
"No, and it's in the garbage!"
"I could always use a bag for something or other," he said, picking it up and examining it.
"Yeah, to carry your sex toys and condoms!"
"Exactly!"
"You're seriously taking it!"
"It was only sitting on the top..." he reasoned.
"I'm totally blogging this!"
"But you can't!"
"Oh, I can."

And I did.

Go Here!

Don't ask questions, just do it!!

25peeps.com

And click on the pretty headless brunette in pink.

C'est moi!

Break

I'm too sick to read Emerson. Every time I hit a thou or whilst I cough or sneeze.

So I read funny stuff instead!

Tupac's Propaganda Machine, on the Other Hand, Is Alive and Thriving

Counselor: Is that a Tupac T-shirt? You're five. Tupac wasn't alive when you were born. What do you know about Tupac?
Kid: I know the haters killed him.
Counselor: Touché.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: SB

via Overheard in the Office, Sep 12, 2006

Holy Fuck

So I have this Lit class- American Renaissance Literature, and the assignment this week was to read three Emerson essays, including "The Trancendentalist" and then write a one page paper on what we think transcendentalism means and only using that as a source.

I just finished reading it, and it took me almost 2 hours with only a few breaks here and there.

And I don't have a clue what it means.

I still have 5 more pages of "Self-Reliance" to read.

Don't know what any of that means either.

And then I still have to read "The American Scholar."

All by tomorrow night's class.

And then once that's all done, I'll have to immediately start on my three Hawthorne stories. And also start "The Scarlet Letter."

So you can see why it's becoming very difficult for me to write my stories. I add some sentences here and there when I can to my current story, but it's tough now.

And this is only one class!

Then, not to mention my allergies are killing me and my head and nose are all stuffed up and I feel lousy!

This bites.

I don't think I'm going to like this class.

Echoes of Familiarity

The Fallacy of Insufficient Sample Size

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

--9th & B

Overheard by: GavinM

via Overheard in New York, Sep 12, 2006

Sugasm #46

Sugasm #46

By Sabrina Morgan on Xantasia

The best of the sex blogs this week by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts voted by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #47? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Body Image & Sex Work (http://lipstickexplosion.com)
“Then, I thought about myself in that playspace, obsessing over how to present my body, while the client, evidently, was enthralled.”

The Fever is Real (http://theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
“This was Dior’s way to lay down the gauntlet for Matthew… ‘I’m ready. I’m hot. I’m panting with desire. I’m gorgeous and sexy - come fuck me.’”

Just What You’re Missing (http://sabrinainstockings.com)
“That’s when I lean forward and kiss along your jawline… slow hungry pressings of soft lips and hot breath with just the barest hint of tongue.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Book Review: ‘Fresh: Girls of Seduction’ by Dave Naz (http://sugarbank.com)

Editors’ Choice
Having Myself All to Myself (http://www.TaraTainton.com)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Second Week Without a Functional Computer Of My Own….. (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)
Where are the manners? (http://cuntinglinguist.blogspot.com)
Would you sleep with a virgin? (http://edinerotica.blogspot.com)

Sex Work
Panty Tree (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

Sex News and Sexy Reviews
Clone A Willy Moulding Vibrator Kit (http://www.orgasmarmy.com)
The Man With Two Penises (http://www.quirkysex.com/blog)
Sex Toy Designer Spotlight: Lelo Interview (http://sultry.naughtyblog.net)
The Three Best Girl-on-Girl Pornos of All Time (http://blog.johnqafterhours.com)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Back in His Arms (http://designingintimacy.blogspot.com)
Fare Amore (http://confessions112.blogspot.com)
Grrl’s Night Out (http://xantasia.blogspot.com)
Guest blogger: “Dessert” (http://emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)
How we spent our Anniversary! (http://dontwakethekids.blogspot.com)
Just for the taste of her…(part one) (http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com)
The long hard weekend f*ck (http://dirtyandthirty.blogspot.com)
More Hot Wife Memories (http://marriedtoahotwife.blogspot.com/)
Need (http://www.kingdomofmean.com/sheets/)
Shower in the shower (http://solostories.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics
Blonde Bombshell Jurgita Valts (http://www.thesexbox.com/blog)
Cowgirl HNT (http://texasspitfire.blogspot.com)
Gauge (http://www.internetisforporn.com)
Half-Nekkid in the Bible Belt (http://www.TarasNaughtyShop.com)
Happy naughty panties HNT! (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)
Sexy upskirt in kitchen (http://upskirtr.blogspot.com)

BDSM and Fetish
Back School, Back To Books, Back to “SchoolGirls’” Dirty Looks (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
Dishonourable discharge (http://assistantmistress.blogspot.com)
Fiction: Grocery Dom (http://erotiterrorist.blogspot.com)
How to make her body betray her… (http://everythingoze.blogspot.com)
On Shade45 With DJ Whoo Kid and Crew (http://www.caramelvixen.com/vixen-blog)
Playing hookie (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)
Sassy me (and domesticity) (http://aliferestarted.blogspot.com)
Spanking and Brass Bands (http://www.spankingwriters.com)
Tales From Under The Desk, Part 11 (http://thebinside.blogspot.com)

Runner's High

I did a lot of running in high school. For lacrosse, dieting purposes, cross country, and cause it was just plain fun. I loved it. I could go 5-6 miles and still feel like I had energy for more.

Until I come down from the high and crash in bed 4 hours later.

I'm like that with drugs, and I'm like that with sex too.

I don't really like to do drugs because I hate the comedown.

And, sometimes I feel like that with sex too; except I love the high of sex too much.

But it's not just sex. It's when I'm with Jefferson.

I'm always rediculously happy to be with him. It's a little sickening really, lol. And it doesn't matter if it's just him and me or it's a full blown orgy. I'm always high as a kite really from the time I leave my house to when I leave his place.

But then I crash. I get sad and lonely and depressed for as little as a few hours to even a couple of days.

It kinda sucks. I like to do what I can to avoid depression, but I'm not going to give up being happy to avoid some temporary blues.

I guess I just want people's opinion on this. Is this stupid? Is it weird? Is it bad? Does this happen to any of you? Can it be fixed?

Please leave comments, or even just e-mail me!

[FYI: If you're not a Beta blogger user, you can't sign in to post comments. Instead you can click other and fill in your name you want to post under and even leave the address of your blog. It's a pain, I know. But take it up with Blogger as there's nothing I can do about it.]

Vodka

I finished my Greygoose and I need more.

Who wants to get me some?

Kids Really Do Say the Darndest Things

Now that I'm back at school, I'm back to babysitting Jason.

I babysat him once a week all school year last year and now I'm back to it.

He just turned 3 this August.

This is that special time where they're just finishing their potty training. No more diapers!!

So, we're outside today and he's playing on the swing set while I'm laying in the grass pretending to comprehend some Emerson I'm reading for class.

He yells out to me, "I have to go pee-pee!"
"Ok, let's go inside."
"No!! I want to go there!" he says pointing to some trees by the fence.
"No, you can't go outside, we go inside."
"I don't want to go inside!!! I want to pee on the branch!! No inside, no inside!!!"
"Jason, you can't pee outside," I said getting up and walking to him.
"Yes!!" he says pulling down his pants.
"Jason!"

He proceeds to let loose and cover the rock in front of him.

"Jason..." I sighed.
"Help me! I can't do it!" he said trying to pull his underwear up.
"You can pull them up. You pulled them down, so you pull them up!"
"I can't!"
"Yes you can, you almost got it."
"I can't! My penis is hanging out!" he said, starting to cry.
"Ok, ok. Let's just get you inside," I said pulling his pants up.
"I wanna watch TV."
"Ok, we'll watch some TV."

You just can't make this stuff up.

It Was Bound to Happen Sooner or Later

Well kiddies, I did it.

I switched to beta.

It tempted me.

New features.

It lured me.

"Press here to switch."

It's done. I've crossed over.

Now what to do with all my cool new features?! I've very eager to implement Labels, but I don't know how to do so in my customized template (that took me ages to perfect and I don't want to lose.)

So this is my call for help from someone savvy with HTML and Blogger than can help me!!

Please, I beg of you, help a poor girl out!!

Kisses!!

(Also, if you know how to make my side bar not go underneath shorter posts, that would be awesome too!)

Deciphering the Dream

I was talking with my step-dad tonight about my nightmare I had this morning and we came up with this interpretation that I feel is dead on:

The first part where I'm stealing but I think it's the other girl doing it is how I see myself as two different people (like Avah and then the real me) and the real me doesn't see myself doing those outrageous things but does actually do them, but in a calm, "I'm not doing anything wrong" way.

And then the second part where I'm in NY was in general about my sexuality (being beat up and on a crowded NY street, for example) and then the man who was chasing me is representing my attachment to Jefferson that I try to run away from because I'm afraid it's going to hurt me.

If you ask me, the unconscious is fascinating stuff.

Technorati Tags: sex blog, dreams, nightmares

In Dreams

"What are you doing?" I asked her as she picked at a lock inside the dark store.
"Shhh..." she responded. "This way the cops won't find you."

She didn't mean me though. It was her that was stealing and picking a lock.

I picked up items from the electronics store and put them in a grocery bag.

I watched her snip a wire on a lock and bolted with her when it set off the alarm.

I hurried away from the store with her, but walked casually to my car, confident I wouldn't be stopped because I had my things in a bag.

I watched her run and duck behind a car as a security truck raced to the front of the store.

When I got to my car in the back parking lot there were 2 young men right by my car where I noticed all my electronics (laptop, phone, camera) in plain reach! I hurriedly put them away, nervous about how close the men were to me.

My bag was on the side of the car next to them and I quickly grabbed it to add to my trunk.

But it turned out they were only scavenging for food.

"Are you guys hungry?" I asked them, looking in my car to find food.

They shrugged their shoulders.

"Here, have some fritos," I offered, handing them a Ruffles bag containing some chips
They took it and scurried off.

I left the parking lot of the stores by my house and next found myself in an apartment in New York.

I said goodbye to my girlfriends and walked down the stairs of a brownstone onto a busy New York street when I saw one of the men from the store.

I tried to pretend I didn't recognize him, but I saw he recognized me.

I was petrified. I couldn't run back inside for fear he'd follow me.

I called my friends upstairs frantically.

"Call the cops," they tell me.

I dial a number and get a music ringtone and then dial another number for Fire Response (I just saw "Just My Luck" last night) and get the dispatcher.

Except I'm back inside the apartment for some reason.

"Yes, there's this man outside I'm really afraid of and I recognize him from back in Jersey and I don't know how he found me in New York. I'm at 67th and, shit! What the fuck's the address here?" I shout at my friend.

"66th and Ams." she replied.

"I'm at 66th and Amsterdam," I relayed to the woman on the phone.

"Well we can't help you until you arrive."

"Arrive where?!"

Then I'm back on the street corner.

I hang up my phone as I see him approach me.

"Can I take you out for coffee?" he says.
"No that's ok."

I try to cross the street, but it changes to red and there's a stream of taxis blocking my way.

The light finally changes to walk and I try to loose him in the crowd.

When I get a little further down the street, I turn to see where he is and scream and try to run when I see he's right behind me.

But he grabs me and I fight back, scratching at his face and pounding on his chest. But he hits back, getting me in the face and breaking my nose.

We're in front of a crowded cafe and he's beating me up and is trying to bury me in big holes in the sidewalk but I keep fighting back.

Suddenly it's all over and I'm in another apartment in the city with my parents. We're celebrating my survival over dinner.

I go to the door to deadbolt it, scared of leaving it open after that ordeal.

The door starts being pushed open as I struggle to turn the lock.

I manage to shove the door enough to attach the chain on the door, and instantly the fight against the door stops.

Next scene I'm locking the door again, except as I'm turning the lock, my attacker pushes open the door and grins evilly at me. I scream and try to call for my mom as he grabs me.

I don't know if I was ever rescued because that's when I woke up and refused to go back to sleep.

If there are any dream interpreter people out there who could maybe have some insight on what that all means, it'd be much appreciated!

Technorati Tags: sex blog, dreams, nightmares

New Semester

Well kiddies, I just finished my first 2 days of my new semester and attended 3 out of my 4 classes so far.

And they're all pretty heavy so far.

I'll definately be trying to squeeze in posts, but academics must come first unfortunately.

I do have a bunch of posts that I want write and hope to get those all up over the month.

But don't fret- I'm still here and thinking about you and writing when I can.

Kisses!

I Think Clay Aiken is the Better Bet

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

--89th & Broadway

via Overheard in New York, Sep 6, 2006

Along the lines of Sex

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I'm done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It's four-gies only from now on.

--Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

--Wall & Water

Overheard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?

--Central Park


Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?

--Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus

Girl on cell: Well it's not even like anyone there had any real porn background!

--Union Square

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

--22nd & Broadway

Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn't sleeping with an intern!

--45th & Lex

Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!

--34th St

via Overheard in New York, Sep 6, 2006

Sugasm #45

The best of the sex blogs this week by the bloggers who blog them. Spotlighting the top 3 posts voted by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #46? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Foreplaying pool (http://gentlygently.blogspot.com)
“‘What say we make this interesting,’ I began while circling the table looking at the available shots, ‘If I win, I get a kiss.’”

All Tied up (part 6): The End (http://dirtyandthirty.blogspot.com)
“To cut a very long story short (well, not quite that short), the evening finished with me cumming all over Thirty’s beautiful body.”

Tableau of sensuality (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Use your other hand to explore further South… tickle that sensitive area around my navel… stroke the silkiness a little further below… and then you’ll find that silky soon becomes slick, plump and moist.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Fred Wilson, Venture Capital and Pornography (http://sugarbank.com)

Editors’ Choice
Sexbit - Fundraiser (http://www.seskuality.com)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM and Fetish
Caught: Domination (http://femmefataleteen.blogspot.com)
Help Me Clay Aiken! (http://designingintimacy.blogspot.com)
Isabella’s Eyes - Part VII (http://nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
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Ugh, 'Nuf Said...

Is It Raining Outside?

"That sky sure looks menacing," I said looking out the window.

I stood next to Jefferson at his desk, sipping my water, as he typed
an e-mail to the submissive boy, Dan, inviting him over to play
tonight.

"Is that thunder?" I asked listening closer.
"I think it may have been."

We kissed and chatted while we waited around for Dan's response, but
we didn't have to wait long.

"When do you want me to come?" his e-mail said. Sounds like he's interested!
"Now, or as soon as you can get here," we wrote back.
"I'll be there as long as the train takes."

"Where's he coming from?" I asked Jefferson.
"Near Columbia."
"Oh dear. I hope he brought an umbrella," I say noticing the sky
starting to open up.

Lighting flashed and thunder cracked as the downpour flooded the street below.

Jefferson and I stepped out onto the terrace to better watch the storm
pass through Manhattan but quickly retreated back inside as the gusts
of wind blew the rain into the terrace.

As the storm moved overhead, the lightening got brighter and the
thunder, louder.

"Wouldn't it be cool if the lights went out and we fucked in the dark?" I mused.
"We can fuck in the dark anyways, darling," Jefferson said, making fun of me.
"I know that! But it's not the same!"

Jefferson and I dressed right before Dan arrived as Jefferson enjoyed
having him naked while we were dressed.

When he arrived, he was soaked from head to toe.

"So, is it raining out there?" I asked after Jefferson introduced us.
"Yeah, a little."
"Did you wade through a lake before you came?" I remarked, noticing
his jeans were soaked all the way up to his knees.
"Just about," he laughed.
"Well let's get these wet clothes off you," Jefferson said beginning
to undress the boy.

He sat on the couch as Jefferson got them wine and I got myself more water.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.
"Nothing!"
"You think he's cute?"
"Uh huh."
"Good."

Jefferson sat next to him on the couch as I reclined in the desk chair
and we all made polite conversation until Jefferson pulled out his
cock and had Dan sucked it.

I smiled at Jefferson as I watched on, my idle hands absentmindedly
toying with my new flogger.

"Would you be alright if Avah beat you a little?" Jefferson asked.

He nodded his head, not even looking up or taking his mouth off
Jefferson's cock.

I smiled brightly and took aim at his back and shoulders. I started
lightly, just warming his skin up and gradually increased my
intensity. Jefferson had told me he was pretty inexperienced in this
department, so I kept my strikes easy to medium, but interspersing a
few hard smacks here and there. His cock sucking never wavered.

"Why don't you get naked, sweetie?" Jefferson suggested to me.

I put down my flogger and stepped out of my shorts and pulled off my
t-shirt, returning to my seat.

"Now I want you to eat Avah's pussy," he directed Dan.

He obediently turned to face me and I scooted my butt further on the
edge of the chair as he dove right into my pussy. He ate me out with
such enthusiasm and excitement (though with my still fresh piercing
made me wince in pain a few times). I came in his mouth quickly,
pushing his head further into my crotch as I cried out.

He ate me a little bit more until Jefferson called him back to his
cock and I resumed my flogging.

"Look how nice and red it is," I said to Jefferson, commenting about Dan's back.
"Sure is baby. Ok, that's good for now. Go back to my bedroom and
wait for us."

Without haste, Dan immediately got up and did as Jefferson had directed.

"So obedient!" I remarked as Jefferson refilled his wine.
"Mmmhmm. Excuse me, baby," he said reaching into a cabinet above the
stove. He pulled out a bag of tea lights and a couple of partially
melted candlesticks. "Think we should use these?"
"Only if you do it to me too!"
"Really?"
"Absolutely!"
"Alright, sure thing."

The two of us walked back to the bedroom, I making sure I grabbed my
strap-on and whip from the coffee table.

Dan was waiting patiently in Jefferson's pitch dark room.

Jefferson went about the room lighting candles making it easier to see.

"That's better," he said, lighting the last one. "Now, I'm going to
tie you up now."

Jefferson grabbed the rope from under the bed and tied simple, but
secure knots around Dan's wrists. Then he went into a cabinet and
pulled out a mess of more rope and chose a shorter piece, wrapping a
few loops around the base of Dan's cock.

I reclined in the chair along side the bed to watch the show.

Jefferson straddled the sub's chest and fed him his cock. He pumped
in and out of his mouth gently, with one hand on the wall to support
himself.

I wasn't getting a good view so I moved from the chair onto the bed
and laid next to Dan to watch closer. I smiled up at Jefferson and he
smiled back.

"It doesn't take much for him to be gone," Jefferson said about our
boy entering subspace.
"I can see that!"

He started fucking Dan's mouth a bit more forcefully and I watched
Jefferson's face that I've become so familiar with over the months:
eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar. I knew he was really getting into
it.

When Jefferson pulled out and reached for a condom, I figured he was
ready to fuck Dan. But to my pleasant surprise, he settled between my
legs.

I smiled up at him as he entered me, a tied up boy next to us with
nothing else to do but watch.

He fucked me for a while, tweaking my nipples, and leaning down every
so often to kiss me. As he picked up speed I felt myself ready to
cum. I fingered my clit until my pussy pulsed around his cock and I
cried out.

Jefferson pulled out, but didn't go anywhere. He grabbed a
candlestick from the nightstand and lit it off one of the tea lights.

Holding it above me, he let a few drops hit my chest. I moaned and
sighed in pleasure as the hot wax hit my skin. He drizzled the orange
wax all across my chest and down my stomach and then bringing the
candle even closer as he covered my nipples. My chest heaved and my
pussy ached as I squealed from delight.

I really do love hot wax.

I watched as Jefferson turned to the side and moved the candle above
Dan. And I watched as the drops fell onto his skin making him grunt
and shake in his bindings. Jefferson brought the candle a bit higher,
but still he groaned as the wax dribbled over his sensitive skin.

"Damn, I take that like more of a man than he does," I laughed.

"I think it's time for Avah to fuck you," Jefferson decided as he blew
out his candle.
"Ok, now you can have a choice of cock. I have a smaller, more
friendly one, or if you're feeling brave, a nice big one," I said
showing him my selection. "Brave? Or friendly? Brave? Or friendly?"
"I think I'll go with brave actually."
"Awesome! What a trooper!"

I started to put everything together but with so many rings and snaps
and loops, I got beat out by Jefferson who's, well, already all
assembled.

But this was my first time seeing two guys fuck, so I definitely took
a comfy seat to enjoy watching.

Jefferson was already fucking him by the time I was assembled and
strapped in. Dan was on his back, his ankles up by his head (he was
incredibly flexible) as Jefferson pumped easily in and out of him.
Dan was gone though. He was moaning faintly with his eyes mostly
closed and his mouth agape. Jefferson concentrated on his lover
underneath him, his eyes only occasionally resting on me.

After some time, Jefferson withdrew from his ass, signaling my turn.

"Great, sloppy seconds," I joked.

We switched places on the bed and I pulled Dan's ass to the edge of
the bed so I could place a foot on the ground. I covered and lubed my
cock and gently pushed into him. I watched as his ass slowly
swallowed the length of me.

"Can you just stay there for a second?" he asked once I was all the way in.
"I can," I replied.

After a few moments he gave me the go ahead to start fucking him.

I swayed my hips back starting to pull out of him. I rocked in and
out of him pushing off the floor and leaning against his legs for
balance. I played with his nipples as I fucked him, squeezing them
until he groaned and squirmed under me.

He moaned softly as I fucked him harder. I wiped my brow as sweat
started to form.

"Fucking is hard work!" I laughed.

"Um, I hate to ask this, but I need to use the bathroom," Dan asked.
"Oh, sure!" I said pulling out as Jefferson started to untie his wrists.

Jefferson pointed him in the direction of the bathroom and I pulled
out all the whips and paddles from the closet.

"Hey! My belt! I almost forgot about that!" I said, seeing it
hanging off a hanger.

"Thanks for bringing us a boy to fuck," I whispered as I kissed
Jefferson when he came back. "And I think it's time we beat him up
now."

Dan came back and we had him kneel on the bed as each of us warmed his
ass up. We smiled at each other as our hands cracked down on his
skin.

"Hey, that's my cheek!" I said as Jefferson's hand smacked on my side
of Dan's ass.
"Sorry, I'm a righty," he apologized returning to his side.

Once Dan's ass was nice and pink, Jefferson laid back in bed and held
Dan's head in his lap as I picked up my first instrument.

I picked up Jefferson's crop and smacked it on Dan's ass and smirked
as he flinched. I spread the strikes over his ass, letting a few fall
astray on his calves and bottoms of his feet.

I switched pieces picking my flogger and started working it on his
ass. I whipped the flogger around making gentle contact with his skin
and throwing him off with hard hits when he wasn't expecting it. I
alternated between his back and ass to keep him further off guard.

Once I grew tired of the flogger (which is only as a literary
statement because that's really the shit, I love it!) I went back to
the chair where everything was laid out to choose my next piece of
equipment. I decided on a leather paddle, having never used one
before.

As I was picking out the paddle, Jefferson dug in his toy box and
pulled out a butt plug. Covering and lubing it up he easily slipped
it into Dan's ass.

With it in place, I landed firm smacks square on his cheeks making him
flinch. Jefferson ran his gentle hands over the sub's skin soothing
him.

Aww, isn't he so sweet, I thought.

I alternated upward and downward strokes with square ones, deciding
which gave the best response.

The upward ones.

He was a newbie with all pain, supposedly, and was taking it all very
well. So I figured he could handle the cat and slapper.

I took aim with the slapper as I had seen Jefferson do once before. I brought it down
hard on his ass, making him moan. But he didn't flinch.

This he was taking like a man.

I worked him with the slapper until I finished with the braided cat,
throwing it down, pulling out his butt plug, and climbing on the bed to fuck him some more.

I grabbed his hips and pulled him into me, holding him firm in place
as I pumped in and out until he'd had enough.

I pulled out of him and stepped out of my harness to lay on the bed
for him to eat me out some more.

As he did so, Jefferson got up wanting to beat him a little as well.

"Can you take a little more or are you reaching your threshold?"
Jefferson inquired to his sub.
"I'm getting pretty close," he said.
"Ok, well just tell me when it's enough."

Jefferson picked up the slapper and delivered a handful of very hard strikes.

"Ooh, gentle baby," I said to Dan, having him stop licking while his
ass was being targeted.

It only took a few more from Jefferson before Dan called uncle.

Now, I wasn't going very easy on him, but my hard is no comparison to
Jefferson's hard.

"Dude, you gotta teach me how to do that! And the twirly thing in the
air! That's hot!" I said to Jefferson after he'd finished.

Jefferson grabbed another condom and added more lube before starting
to fuck Dan again. And he fucking rode that boy's ass. I'd never
seen anything like it. And I was totally mesmerized. It was so hot!

Once he had fucked him to exhaustion, Jefferson came into bed, Dan
laying in his lap and me at Jefferson's side.

"This must be nice to be amongst so much love," Jefferson said as we kissed.

We were all quiet as Jefferson and I gently stroked Dan's head and
back as he started to come out of subspace.

"I'm hungry," I whispered to Jefferson.
"I could still go for that burger. We could go out and get
something," he suggested.
"You mean like get dressed?"
"Oh so true. Well I have stuff here I can make. Are turkey burgers
ok with everyone?"
"Sounds good," Dan said.
"I like that. Do you want some help?" I offered.
"No, it's ok. You two just stay here," he said as he left.

I stroked Dan's hair quietly as he switched to my lap and we waited
for Jefferson to let us know dinner was ready.

It wasn't long before he came back with a tray full of food.

"Oh you didn't have to do that! We would have come out!"
"It's ok, no bother," he said sitting the tray down on the bed.
"Ooh, bacon cheese turkey burger! I've never had a bacon cheese burger before!"
"Really?"
"Nope, but I like this. God I'm such a bad Jew!" I joked.

As we ate, I listened as the boys chatted about movies I had never
seen nor knew nothing about (a common occurrence when I'm at
Jefferson's), but I jumped in when they hit a movie I knew.

"I saw Logan's Run! In English class!"
"What on earth would you see Logan's Run in English class for?" they wondered.
"We were doing a unit on utopias and dystopias."
"Ah, well that makes sense then."

When we had finished, Jefferson came back into bed next to me and
turned off the lights. He quickly drifted off, his hands wrapped
tightly around my head, as Dan and I chatted.

"Is that uncomfortable?" he asked about Jefferson's grasp.
"No, not really."
"It looks really funny."
"I'll bet it does," I laughed.

Jefferson stirred a moment, sitting up slightly.

"So, how'd the auditions go?"

Dan and I looked at him.

"What auditions?" I asked.
"You know the ones for that Wizard of Oz musical… The Wiz!"

We still looked at him.

"Huh?"

Jefferson laid his head back against the pillow and promptly started snoring.

"What the fuck?!" we exclaimed.
"What just happened?" he asked.
"I have no idea."

We cracked up together and talked some more until Dan decided to leave.

I walked him out, thanking him for coming and locked the door behind
him. I shut off the lights in the living room and blew out the
candles in the bedroom before climbing back into bed.

Jefferson grabbed me tight as I pulled the covers over us.

"Good night baby."