28 March 2007

Let Me Rephrase That

I think I put a little too much emphasis in my last post on getting readers to comment. Would it be nice if people commented more? Yes. Have I gotten used to the fact people don't comment? Yeah, and I'm not so concerned with getting comments as much anymore. I'm not a big commenter myself, even on my absolute favorite blogs like Journey into Submission, Biker's Balls & Teacher's Tits, or Sugarbutch Chronicles. And I guess with my blogs that I read regularly (all the ones on my blog roll), I read them because I like the work, and it seems silly to comment on every post that I like it (if I have nothing else to add).

And honestly, I would always get in trouble in school when we'd have group seminars and I rarely contributed feedback. I couldn't always relate. (And I didn't always care. It sounds mean, but I really did just hate most of my classmates.)

I do find it easier to comment when a question is posed. One reason I opened up Question Month. I thought it would be a good opportunity to get the lurkers out of the woodwork.

My main frustration though is the progress of my blog (or lack there of as I see it). Commenting is one way I measure it. I would assume as my readership grows, reader participation would grow. But that's not necessarily an accurate correlation because big blogs like Fleshbot and Viviane's Sex Carnival don't receive many comments. Ok, so I don't worry sooo much about that.

But then I look at how my readership isn't growing. My stats have been pretty consistent over the last 10 months. I've been writing for coming on 12 months now. (Yes I know there are some Feed reader only people out there, but I'm not counting on 1,000 of you). I work on getting my blog on lists and directories. I was reviewed by Jane's Guide, and that drove a hell of a lot of traffic my way for a few days, but now it's just drips and drabs. Even when I got Fleshbotted by Chelsea Girl way back when, I didn't get a surge of traffic.

It's like there's some sort of forcefield that repels visitors. I swear.

And then of course that gets me paranoid that I'm a bad writer. Or that people hate when I post so much irrelevant stuff like comics and the Overheards and random stories and thoughts. Then I think people don't like me because of my rants and all that sort of stuff. Should I be more positive? Should I not be bitching about blogging or boy troubles or school troubles, etc? Should I revert this back to a strictly sex blog where I only posted my stories once or twice a week?

I thank everyone that commented on my Lab Rat post. Not to sound conceited, but I got the responses I fully expected. I do know there are at least some people out there like my blog. There are at least 60 of you that just keep coming back every day!

El Cuervo says I should write for me, but how can I make the writing for me when I get so many responses that people would be disappointed if I stopped writing? I write for me in my journal and other private blogs. And it's stressful to maintain all 3. Designing Intimacy gets the bulk of my attention, and because of that, all the things I can't write about here gets forgotten. I don't have time to write for me.

And I know it sucks when a blog you love and read every day just finishes or disappears. I've lost a bunch of my original reading to I don't even know what. Feenix Call Girl was one of my favorites and she just up and disappeared one day. Clandestine Call Girl is essentially moving on with her blog as well. There was another one I read, that I've forgotten the name of now, about a woman exploring a new relationship with a dominant woman that captivated me, and she too just disappeared.

I would never disappear on you guys though. When it is time to close up shop (and that day will come), I'll certainly give due notice.

But no, that time isn't now.

I'll keep writing. Even if I hate my words (which I sometimes do), even if I get no comments, even if I get no more new readers.

Because like the trained rat, I'm still waiting for my reward. And like the slot junkie, I'm waiting for the big payoff.


Anonymous said...

One of the few things I believe in in life is being true to yourself. Allow yourself the courtesy for people to dislike you. I mean it. No, it's not necessarily flattering...but I have found that trying to please other people in order to get some kind of reward (Skinner boxes are awesome!) will lead you to discontentment, frustration, and the like. Which you may already be aware of, as I doubt you will stop posting things that you enjoy, such as comics, Overheards, etc., and the fact that you are continuing to write, which (I would argue)is the most honest occupation (of time, of money, etc...) in existence.

It's good to have a reminder sometimes, even though what I'm saying is, I'm sure, essentially self-evident.

Fuck stats. It is a means of traffic measurement--not of individual worth, to wax poetic...

Kate said...

You never followed up with Question 18! :(

Avah said...

You're right Kate. I'm sorry! I've had some stuff on my mind. I'll get to it though, don't worry.

Lenora said...

Funny how these things happen . . . I just wrote a post on this very subject -- not getting comments, and not commenting Myself too much.

I think your own thoughts when you MIGHT comment sum up what happens pretty well: One doesn't want to add an empty comment, esepcially if one isn't the first one to say "great post," or whatever, because "Me too" seems the worst, dumbest, comment of all to leave.

People like your work. They like Mine. (Allowing of course for the few poor misguided souls who haven't seen the light yet LOL . . . ) I apply the iceberg scale to comments; for every one that you get there are five or six similar ones that were almost left but weren't.

So it's all good. Great blog. I don't say that often enough. I'm resolving to try to when I feel it . . . even if it sounds like a simplistic thing to say or I'm not the first one to say it.

All the best to you.


t'Sade said...

Completely and utterly random new reader, that I am. But, I wanted to mention something about lack of comments. Sadly, it seems to be the par for the course. I mentioned to erotiterrorist that I treat comments like icebergs. The bright shiny on the top is nothing compared to the millions of tons of silence below the water. The hard part is just going forward, knowing for every commenter, you probably have a ton of silent readers.

Gray Lily said...

Avah - thank you for the mention and the link. I myself am a horrible commenter, I have to make myself stop and actually put my thoughts into words before I jump to my next favorite blog.

I do write a lot for me, to get my thoughts out of my head. But unlike you, I don't have any other blogs or writing that I do. I don't keep a private journal or blog, I don't spend time on any other writing ventures. It's easier, I guess, because my attention is focused in one place.

Also, I do write for Mr Stern. I write so he can see into my head and understand what I am thinking and feeling. I write to improve the relationship and our M/s dynamic. He is a motivation that keeps me going when I really just feel like staying quiet for a week or two.

As I'm sure you've seen on my blog, I don't get a ton of comments either. One or two here or there, but nothing substantial. I have somehow learned to be satisfied with just seeing my words on the screen and knowing that people are enjoying what I write.

Do what feels right for you. Life will go on for your readers if you decide something else is more important, but we are all so caught up in your life at this point that we do hope you continue. It doesn't matter to me if it's silly nonsense or repetitive sex, it's all good because it's you.