29 March 2007

It Just Kinda Sucks

I'm too tired to get much into right now, but I just ended things with Kyle.

He canceled on me for the 3rd week in a row, and as much as it sucked, it really wasn't my main reason for calling it quits now.

I could see myself falling in love with him, and I just didn't want to go there. Not with someone else I have no future with. I've learned my lesson with Jefferson.

The next man I fall in love with will be someone I can have a relationship with, a real see each other all the time, and only each other relationship. Maybe even someone I can marry.

I'm bummed. It's sad to say goodbye to someone I like. But it's better than saying goodbye to someone I love. Really, it is. I know.

So that's my story for tonight.


Anonymous said...

Sorry it didn't work with him, but proud of you for knowing yourself well enough to know what you want and need out of a relationship and life. Best of luck moving forward.

Anonymous said...
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Mariel said...

Smart girl.

I wish I had that kind of... will power?

I have "this time, it'll be different" syndrome.

zymerge said...

This will probably come across as a "Now that I'm older and more experienced, I wish I had done things differently when I was your age, but wouldn't listen when I was given this very same advice." kind of comment. So feel free to do as I did and disregard.

I've done what you're doing. Cut interesting women out of my life because I knew they weren't "The One". At the time, I was sure of what I was doing.

Now I'm 38 and married. Happily Ever After has begun. I love my wife, and my life with my family.

But I'm not sure I did the right thing.

I consider my twenties as a period of self discovery. I now know that I had absolutely no clue of who I was or would become. Take politics for example. I was raised as a red blooded conservative Republican, a group that I now consider to be narrow minded, intolerant, hypocrital idiots.

If I were to have taken a different approach, it would be to realize that I had a lot of time and self discovery ahead of me. Finding "The One" would have been a low or non priority. I wonder what experience I missed out while I was taking myself so seriously.

Keep writing your blog. You'll be able to look back when you're pushing 40, and see if I'm right.

Anonymous said...

Christ, I didn't say anything THAT hurtful.
I only said, you know, "he wasn't that into you". Don't you watch "Sex in the City"?

You can't break it off with a guy who has no interest in seeing you...because nothing really exists if he cancels 3 weeks in a row. He was probably cheating on someone else. He was using you for sex. And he got his sex and moved it the hell onwards.

Stop dating people you have sex with. Have sex with people you date.

Avah said...

It wasn't hurtful, but it bugged me. You're basing your opinion on only a slice of information. I've never said why he had to cancel. They were, in my opinion, legitimate and understandable reasons. Which is why I tried to stress that it was not my main reason for ending things with him.

He did want to see me. He felt awful canceling on me, and wanted to see me Saturday. But I declined. And he didn't take so easily to me ending things.

I'm not stupid. I know when someone "isn't that into me."

Someone's Boy Unit said...

This sucks. I'm sorry things worked out so bleah for you. I hope the "next man" is someone who's psyche and schedule mesh with yours.

There may not be a torch in your life now, but there are plenty of warm, comfortable friendly hearths that you can warm yourself at. I know ( jsut from reading the blog) that people care about you. Some of us are worth leaning on when you need to.

If you feel like talking with me some day about life and open relationhips and heartache, let me know. In meat-space or online.

I've got a somewhat cool communityfor friends who might be a good place for you to feel welcome and cared for. Ask about it someday if you lile.

-Josh J