05 July 2006

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...

...for this important publication.

Please pardon the interruptus non grata.

File this under the "random musings" category. And don't say I didn't warn ya...

I was talking with a friend the other day about blogs. She follows a bunch of the blogs: mine, Jefferson's, Lexi's, et al. She doesn't really get why we write sex blogs. She gets that Jefferson's a slut, but doesn't understand why he has to be so public about it. "It just seems silly, that's all."

Now she doesn't mean to offend.

I can't really speak for Jefferson on why he chose and continues to write about his sexual fares. But I would surmise that after living in a hetero-monogamous marriage to a seemingly cold and icy woman, it's only natural to want to act on one's hedonistic desires, and Jefferson being a writer, it's only natural to write about it. I also think, from reading his archives, it may have been somewhat of a therapeutic release in the beginning. But once he got an audience...well, who's an artist to disappoint his fans?

Though from my own experiences, I offered this explanation:

I've been blogging since blogging first started becoming popular. Actually, before it was even called blogging. They were just online diaries back then. It started when I was a freshman in high school. My friends and I all had livejournal, then we moved to open diary, then xanga. And now, blogger.

I had always kept a diary, maybe it's a girl thing, so moving it online didn't seem too odd. Granted I still kept the more private stuff in my book journal, I still put a lot out there for people to see. I used it as an outlet to just write about life but to also communicate with my friends. It was a way for me to say things I couldn't necessarily say in person.

Though today it's different for me. Admittedly, the first entry was written for Jefferson as I put into words everything that went through my head an body the first time I saw him, because it was so unique and intense for me. But then I got hooked on writing the stories. And having an audience.

The exhibitionist in me had been born.

But there's a freedom, and a protection to writing anonymously (not like when I was in high school). Save for the small handful of lovers who read this, the rest of my readers don't know me. So I can kinda say whatever the fuck I want.

Because what do I care if Joe Schmo or Anonymous has an issue that I eat latkes on Passover? (Mine don't contain flour as it so happens anyways, not that I keep kosher.)

Not to mention of course no one really says anything (except if you're talking about latkes...) Out of the hundreds of visitors I get a day, I don't even average 1 comment a day- shame on all of you lurkers! And extra love to the wonderful people who do comment!

In Designing Intimacy I get to be Avah- smart, sexy, alluring, confident, daring. When I'm Avah, talking to boys doesn't make me blush (oh who are we kidding? Being naked in front of boys doesn't make me blush!) I use bigger words when I talk and write, and I use them correctly (going against my actual genetic nature!) Not that the real me isn't smart, sexy, alluring, confident, and daring. But I get to showcase those things here. I don't dwell on my money woes or family issues or insecurities. Of course, since that's not what the blog is about.

And I try not to bring those issues here. As I try not to bring it with me when I'm with Jefferson. When I walk into his apartment, the real world is shut out. It's just Avah and Jefferson (and any additional company.) Because, really, what goes on is too outrageous to be real.

Avah is purely a figment of my imagination. And Designing Intimacy is simply a place where she tells the sordid tales of her made up sex life while trying to find the deeper meaning behind penises and vaginas. I don't know what lies ahead for Avah. It's really too early to tell. But I hope she finds that deeper meaning, that intimacy. And with the search for it, I hope her fear of it is conquered because I worry she's going to miss it if she's hiding from it.

I urge you, my readers, to please comment on this. Whether it's feedback or a springboard for something it made you think of. I want to hear from you! I'd also like to hear from my lovers... Don't be shy people!

This now concludes tonight's special programing. We bring you back to our story, already in progress...


rose said...

well avah.....while my blog was started at jefferson's request as part of our initial dom/sub relationship, it's evolved into a creative and emotional outlet for me. and i also enjoy the recognition and enjoyment from readers. it's fun to share ;-)

Don'tWakeTheKids said...

Well said! Though it makes me feel old...LiveJournal and Xanga are both younger than my daughter!

There, a comment from a reader who certainly wouldn't mind being a lover too. Even if she is really flippin' old. :)

On that note, I've really enjoyed your writing thus far, and look forward to much more--thanks for sharing!

Jefferson said...

It's great to get to know Avah, even as I get to know the woman behind her.

And yes, I am referring to you--though there are often other women behind Avah.

The Natural Dominant said...

You make some wonderful, often forgotten points about why we do this in such a public forum. There is the vicarious thrill of sharing such intimate moments with stragers, there is the cathartic feeling in telling someone - anyone - about deep secrets, and there is the creative outlet that comes with putting together our posts concerning the sexual arts.

This was a nice wake-up call and an excellent reminder of why we are here. I get 20-30 e-mails a day from submissives and doms who need assistance with everything from basic training to abuse to new techniques to just saying "thanks for sharing".

We are all unwitting participants in a circle of support for those who stay behind closed doors & need our feedback through these posts.

Excellent & inspiring.


Kate said...

I too started out on livejournal, then along came Jefferson and I began a PG blog of my own for my friends to read. I started this one to express stuff I would rather share with the Anon readers then my closest conservative friends.. go figure ;) I'm all for self-exploration on and off the sheet.

Write on Miss Avah

Incorrigible Girl said...

For me it began as an outlet for some changes I was going through, or expected to go through, I always thought of it as going to be a sex blog.
I didn't realize at the time how much the exhibitionist in me would come into play, until The Natural Dominant posted some pics of our visit in his blog...*grins* And I started finding more blogs of "like mind" and my blogroll started growing.
I too wish I had more comment and emails as I like the interaction with people who read, though I suppose that also means I should write comments and email other blog authors more myself.
It is where I get to be "me" 'The Incorrigible Girl' that is barely contained under my skin, where I can lose the worries of bills and ending relationships, car trouble, a job I despise and trade it all in for the guilty pleasures that fit me so much better. It is where I learn more about what fits me, what I like, what I want out of life, and what I am not willing to settle for any longer. A place to share my writing that is finally finding a release after years of containment.
A haven. My haven.

SpiralSubmissive said...

Very intriguing questions...you've spawned some thoughts in my head. And given me another interesting blog to read (I found you through The Natural Dominant). I look forward to seeing more :)

Avah said...

I must say, I'm very excited and touched by everyone's responses so far. They're very thoughtful and insightful. It's also nice to hear from some people I didn't know were readers.

Rose- I certainly can relate to it being fun to share. I like that I can start sentances- "Remember that time when I fucked that girl with my strap-on?" And it's certainly frustrating to have little venues to tell the stories. But when yo have the internet, you get to finish the story "And then after that I fucked that boy with it. Remember that?"

Don't Wake The Kids- Well, if you're "really flippin' old" I hope when I'm that age, my sex life is still as racy as yours like I read about! And thank you for the kind words. I like a little encouragement every now and again from my readers, so I know people are still actually reading.

My Dear Jefferson- It could be an entire lifetime before you really get to know the woman behind Avah. And even then, you still might not know. Are you in it for the long haul?

Natural Dom- I've been meaning to write a thank you for linking to me in your blog. I was also touched to see my post serve as a diving board for you (and also Incorrigable Girl). I have to admit, I only just happened accross your blog within the last week or two, so I will have to take some time and dive into the archives, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it. You're right though in that it feels really good to release these secrets. I've never been one really to keep in my own secrets. I've always needed to tell them: the good and the bad. And it absolutely fulfills my creative side. It's completely in my nature to create, and every day I look for ways to do that: drawing, painting, writing, decorating, etc.

KateI suppose I should extend a welcome to the gang. You and I being close in age, it doesn't surprise me we both started on LJ. I look forward to reading more of your stories, and most likely, meeting you one day.

Incorrigible Girl I know what you mean about wishing you got more comments but needing to leave them yourself. I will often put a lot of effort for a week in making sure I comment on most of what I read, but then my efforts usually die off for a while. And this is certainly my little haven too. I love what goes on in my sex life, but sometimes it's even more fun to relive it through the writing. Sometimes it'll take me forever to write a post because I'll keep stopping and fantasizing about it in my head. Lol.

Spiral SubmissiveWelcome! I'm glad my post got you thinking! I love writing for people's enjoyment, but I like to get people thinking too. It's healthy, ya know? I'm really excited about the interaction with my readers, so I think I might throw more of these "something to ponder" kind of posts every once in a while...

Kate said...

Thanks Avah.. I look forward to that too and thank you for reading. I am currently about to steal one of your ideas... but I did warn you earlier ;)

Chrissy said...

I'd rather someone be out in the open about something then finding something out...Springer style.

Avah said...

Chrissy- I totally agree. I hate liars. My ex lied to me constantly had I had to find out by investigating. It sucked.