25 March 2007

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I've thought about calling you lately, but I haven't wanted to. And the plain and simple truth of why is because I don't trust you. I don't like telling you what's going on in my life because I don't trust you won't judge me, criticize me, use what I say against me, or talk about me behind my back. I've been so much more relaxed these past 7 months because I haven't been filled with the anxiety that comes when I talk to you or visit with you. I don't feel the need to constantly be on the defense.

And it's not just you. It's D and J too. All my life I've never felt good enough, thin enough, smart enough for any of you. I've never felt supported or accepted. And that's why I got so mad about your decision about France. Money issues aside, it really upset me you couldn't at least support my decision to do something really cool and exciting. An opportunity that only comes once in a life time. Let me also mention I've been wanting to study abroad since I was little, so it really shouldn't have been a shock.

I know a lot of parents raise kids with expectations of what they want them to be, but it's not my obligation to fill those expectations.

You can't raise me the same as D and J. It's a different time, and I'm a different person. College is going to make me more than 4 years. I'm not slacking off because I take only 12 credits. I know I can't handle 15. And I'm finally serious about being an art major. Emerson and I don't get along so well, but me and Cezanne, we're pals.

I know you're my dad, but I don't know how to have a relationship with you. I can't if I don't trust you, and I don't know that I ever will. History just shows I can't count on you to support me. So, I don't know where to go from here.

But if you want to write me back, here's my address at school....


No comments: