06 October 2006


After a morning of making love today, Jefferson and I laid in bed resting, his arms wrapped tight around me from behind. I heard Jefferson sleeping as I drifted into that state between sleep and wake and my thoughts wantered uncontrolled to that dark place that usually really only happens past sundown.

I became concious of where my thoughts went and my eyes snapped open and my chest ached with the familiar tension I experience when my thoughts get too bleak.

I turned and faced Jefferson, clutching him tight. I was so glad Jefferson was there at that moment, but I just still couldn't get close enough.

I tried Lexi's idea of letting the thoughts fly away after giving it a moment's chance. I guess it worked. I managed to keep my tears to small handful. Jefferson hugged me tight and kissed me sweetly until he had to get ready to get his kids.

I don't like feeling like this, but I at least I know I have people for support and I love Jefferson for being there for me and caring so much when my thoughts happen to drift.

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