#200-Painting

This is my 200th post already.

I just wrote my 100th in August!

So, like I've written, I've been really into my painting lately. I've made 15 this month, 6 alone on Saturday.

My paintings totally give away my mood.

One night I was feeling pretty down and painted 3 canvases in a dark-blue/black background.

The next week I was feeling better and was using bright reds and yellows and cheery colors.

Tonight I'm back to another dark color.

I feel like crap right now.

I weighed myself last night and I broke down in tears. I hadn't realized how much weight I'd gained. I knew I had put on some because my jeans were a little tight. I'm not even wearing them anymore because they're too tight. But I was absolutely shocked really.

I couldn't bear the thought of eating today. And I didn't until like 5:30. And of course I had to get rid of it. I couldn't stand it. And then I ate disgusting pasta after a long nap.

And now I'm painting with dark colors.

Why? Because I'm so fat.

And because I haven't heard from Jefferson since Saturday morning, where as we usually e-mail everyday and now my head is filled with paranoid thoughts that don't make much sense and are probably not true. So I don't want to get pissed until I know I have good reason to.

So, yeah, I'm pretty miserable right now.

But watching season 1 of the Sopranos with my roommate, so that's cool.