Explaining the Pain

I was reading some articles on a site I stumbled across tonight, Sensual Service

The article I was reading was about Ritual Pain:

A woman writes,

Humans have utilized, and continue to utilize, pain in ritual to accomplish different goals: as a ceremony of purification, as a means to an altered state of mind, as a technique to travel astrally, as a healing for past pain and as an ordeal to suffer and endure before being allowed to move from one level to another, as in my first initiation. Why do we use pain in this fashion? As Doreen Valiente said, "The reason we use the scourge, is that it works!" Pain stands as a proven technique for reaching the subconscious, raising energy and achieving altered states....

No matter what class or educational background you hail from, enduring pain can give you an incredible feeling of power: power over your own body, power over your circumstances. If you can refuse to feel the pain, or to react to it, you can control your life.

These 2 excerpts, I felt, describe perfectly what was happening with me Friday night when Jefferson was giving me my beating. Needing to feel the pain to move past my anger and also needing to control my reactions to prove I won't let myself be hurt in my relationship with Jefferson.

Just thought I'd share what I discovered to better explain since I wasn't sure if my post was thorough enough.