23 March 2007

I Can't Believe I Even Have This Story To Tell

This is a really funny story. I swear. It's OK for you to laugh at me. I'm laughing.

As I'm crying.

It's really quite embarrassing too.

I'm really, still in shock.

So, I was going to go to sleep before, right? But after looking at some dirty pictures, I was feeling a bit randy and decided to quick take care of that before I went to sleep.

I pulled out my Hitachi and set to work, but I was having trouble getting over the edge. I needed something in me.

So I grabbed the nearest dildo (and I have a small stockpile too, lol). My big, red monster. One I've never gotten around to using; since it's so big.

I contemplated covering it. I always cover my toys. Er, I always cover my butt plugs and dildos. And here's my PSA. Always cover your toys! It makes clean up a cinch, it's safe for when you're sharing!, and when you got funny materials like jelly and cyber skin, it makes you worry less about leeching chemicals.

Speaking of leeching chemicals...back to my story.

I contemplated covering, but since it was me, and it was my toy, and I only needed it for a few seconds, and I was tired, I skipped the condom. ("I shoulda used a condom!" her famous last words.) I pushed it in, and winced as it stretched me. I kept wincing as it kept burning, but ignored it as it quickly did the job.

Satisfied, I pulled it out and went to go wash it up. I was three steps to the door as I realized my pussy was still burning. I looked in the mirror and saw my lips were bright red and swollen twice the size!! And the pain was only increasing!!

I was seriously having a fucking allergic reaction to the dildo.

I freaked, and jumped in the shower, to wash off any remaining residue. I was whimpering like an injured puppy dog!

Let me tell you- this is no pain anyone should ever have to experience!

The water felt good on it, and now it's subsided to a dull ache. Manageable, but still there.

And I feel so deformed, being all swollen.

So what did we learn from Avah today?

Always cover your toys!!!


~ Storm said...

Wow is it silcone? I never knew anyone who had an allergic reaction to a toy. BUT, I have had similat allergic reactions to other things and yeah it's a bitch. And scary too. Hopefully you'll be all better quickly!

Lolita said...


Avah said...

It was not silicone. Real silicone is medical grade and thus hypo-allergenic.

This was cheap jelly shit.

And I've never had an allergic reaction to any kind of substance, not hair dyes, lotions, materials, etc, so I was very shocked this happened!

glengarryleads said...

Might not have been an allergic reaction. Some unscrupulous (and cheap) manufacturers will simply skimp on materials and just use something that might irritate ANYONE's insides. They could also be newbies to the industry. It's not like the FDA is regulating the dildo industry.

Anna said...

Tristan Taormino just wrote a piece on this in her Village Voice column. It seems that the same thing happened to her with a red dildo.
Part One

Part Two

Chris said...

Ouch. I'm not laughing. My privates are feeling all shriveled up on your behalf. But, yeah. Almost anything that's not silicone or hard plastic, wrap that baby.