15 August 2006

I Don't Tolerate racism or Constipation

10 points to anyone who know where that phrase is from!

Fighting with friends is difficult. But being on the receiving end of a irrational and cruel attack from one is even worse. "In a heated argument we are apt to lose sight of the truth." And I had the unfortunate misfortune to be on the receiving end of such an attack from a dear and truly loved friend this weekend.

The spark was lit Saturday night. And had she stopped there, it wouldn't have been so bad. "Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied." But despite my unwillingness to argue back, only defend myself, it only resumed Sunday night.

In a quick flash she stopped and saw the vileness of her words. At first her apologies were empty and I wasn't biting. Until she clued me in on some of her demons that better explained what fueled such an attack. But it took 3 martinis and a night's rest for my own anger to subside.

I no longer felt betrayed by her attack, but pained and worried over the struggles my friend was facing. I related to her on a deep level knowing the furry addictions can cause and the unforgivable, really, things people can say. And even though she pleaded for my forgiveness, I didn't give it for her to feel better or even me to feel better. I did it because I wanted my friend and I couldn't get along with her if I didn't forgive her.

I had no interest in holding this transgression over her head. I didn't want to punish her for my pain by withholding my forgiveness. And I don't want the power I could have from being "the innocent" one in it all.

But as much as I learned about my friend, I learned a lot about myself in all this. I was able to stand up to someone I had more or less been intimidated by, something I've been rather unsuccessful at in the past. And I learned how even though it was difficult to forgive when I struggled with wanting to stick with my principle of not rebuilding bridges, I put aside my stubbornness to keep my friend whom I really loved.

And honestly, this kind of intimacy is much scarier for me. Getting close to friends that it. But once I find such a special friend, it's really all worth it.

"To Friendship"

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Mitzi said...

I believe that is a Will and Grace Quote we can credit to Karen?

To Friendship.

Avah said...

Ding ding we have a winner- 10 points to Mitzi!

George said...

Good post Avah --- you deserve a pat on the back (or even nicer places)for defending yourself and your ideas. Feels good doesn't it (especially when you have not had an easy time doing it previously)?

Oº°‘¨t®ãg‘°ºO said...

I've been there. It sucks. You did the right thing I think.